Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A girl & A boy...
Define a girl:
The one who before going out for a party puts on mascara, eye liner, eye shadow, lip gloss, glitter, rouge, plush, kajal, etc. Then wears the best dress, new sandals with heals, accessories and still asks, “Over toh nahi lag rahi na?"
Reply: “Nahi, sahi hai.”
Girl- "Yaar jaldi jaldi main kuch kiya hi nahi. Socha simple hi rehne du."
...
Define a boy:
The one who before going to party calls his friend and asks, "bhai tu nahaa kar aayega kya!”
Reply: ”Chal Saale !! Konsi apni shaadi ho rahi hai !"
The one who before going out for a party puts on mascara, eye liner, eye shadow, lip gloss, glitter, rouge, plush, kajal, etc. Then wears the best dress, new sandals with heals, accessories and still asks, “Over toh nahi lag rahi na?"
Reply: “Nahi, sahi hai.”
Girl- "Yaar jaldi jaldi main kuch kiya hi nahi. Socha simple hi rehne du."
...
Define a boy:
The one who before going to party calls his friend and asks, "bhai tu nahaa kar aayega kya!”
Reply: ”Chal Saale !! Konsi apni shaadi ho rahi hai !"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Karmic Justice for HR???
One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her, smiled and told...
...
...
....
....
....
.....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee "
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her, smiled and told...
...
...
....
....
....
.....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee "
Saturday, August 27, 2011
PARAPROSDOKIANS
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
16. You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute to sky dive twice.
17. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
18. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
20. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever the target you hit.
22. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
16. You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute to sky dive twice.
17. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
18. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
20. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever the target you hit.
22. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
मोबाइल की खिल्ली...
Sharing a funny moment I had yesterday. I had just reached home after work and got a call from my friend. Normally I receive all my calls using headphones since my cell phone is more than 5 years old and without headphones the voice reception is not sufficiently loud. So I received the call and asked him to be on hold till I plug in my headphone... and this is how the conversation went -
दोस्त: अब ये मोबाइल गंगाजी में बहा दो...
मैं: अरे यार अगर ऐसा किया तो कहीं गंगाजी को लोगो की मनोकामनाए कम न सुने देने लगे... फिर तो गंगाजी और पब्लिक दोनों ही मुझे कोसेंगे
दोस्त: हाँ यार.. तब तो मोबाइल डालते ही गंगाजी भी कहेंगी... "अरे headphones तो लगते जा..."
दोस्त: अब ये मोबाइल गंगाजी में बहा दो...
मैं: अरे यार अगर ऐसा किया तो कहीं गंगाजी को लोगो की मनोकामनाए कम न सुने देने लगे... फिर तो गंगाजी और पब्लिक दोनों ही मुझे कोसेंगे
दोस्त: हाँ यार.. तब तो मोबाइल डालते ही गंगाजी भी कहेंगी... "अरे headphones तो लगते जा..."
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Just for Laughs....
Girl to her BF: Is week movie dekhenge..
nxt week shopping karenge..
BF: Uske nxt week mai mandir jayunga...
GF: woh kyu?
BF: Bheek mangne...
==================***********=============================
ROFL....
A woman was kidnapped ..
The kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her husband and demanded a money.
Husband replied : " I want more proof..MUNDI bhejo MUNDI "
==================***********=============================
Husband : Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife : Why Three?
Husband : For you and your parents
==================***********=============================
A Man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary & his wife did not speak to him for 3 months!
Was the necklace fake?
No,that was the Deal.
==================***********=============================
Sharabi-AAJ Tab tak piyenge
jab tak woh saamne wale 3
ped 6 nahi
Dikhte
pub manager-saalon bas karo aab.
saamne pehle se hi 1 ped hai
nxt week shopping karenge..
BF: Uske nxt week mai mandir jayunga...
GF: woh kyu?
BF: Bheek mangne...
==================***********=============================
ROFL....
A woman was kidnapped ..
The kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her husband and demanded a money.
Husband replied : " I want more proof..MUNDI bhejo MUNDI "
==================***********=============================
Husband : Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife : Why Three?
Husband : For you and your parents
==================***********=============================
A Man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary & his wife did not speak to him for 3 months!
Was the necklace fake?
No,that was the Deal.
==================***********=============================
Sharabi-AAJ Tab tak piyenge
jab tak woh saamne wale 3
ped 6 nahi
Dikhte
pub manager-saalon bas karo aab.
saamne pehle se hi 1 ped hai
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Quit Drinking...
Bunty walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Bunty replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
Bunty becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Bunty looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".
"Only thing is ---- I've just quit drinking"!!!!!!
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Bunty replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
Bunty becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Bunty looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".
"Only thing is ---- I've just quit drinking"!!!!!!
Our babies would be smart and beautiful...
Leonard[Drooling over Penny and day dreaming]: Our babies would be smart and beautiful!
Sheldon: Not to mention... imaginary.
-The Big Bang Theory
ROFL!!!!
Sheldon: Not to mention... imaginary.
-The Big Bang Theory
ROFL!!!!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Today's Professional Management FUNDAS...
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Columbus agar married hota to America discover na kar pata... ROFL
Columbus agar married hota to America discover na kar pata, kyunki usey yeh sawalon ka jawab dena padta:
1.Kahan jaa rahe ho
2.Kyun jaa rahe ho
3.Kiske saath jaa rahe ho
4.Main bhi chalungi
5.Wapis kab aaoge
6.Ghar reh kar hi discover karlo
7.Meri maa ko bhi le jao
8.Mere liye kya laoge
9.Wapis mein sabji lete aana
10.Pahunch ke phone karna
11.Tum hi kyon har baar discover karte ho? Koi aur kyon nahi kar sakta?
1.Kahan jaa rahe ho
2.Kyun jaa rahe ho
3.Kiske saath jaa rahe ho
4.Main bhi chalungi
5.Wapis kab aaoge
6.Ghar reh kar hi discover karlo
7.Meri maa ko bhi le jao
8.Mere liye kya laoge
9.Wapis mein sabji lete aana
10.Pahunch ke phone karna
11.Tum hi kyon har baar discover karte ho? Koi aur kyon nahi kar sakta?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Mere Bhai Nasha Chhor do... LOLz
Ek Cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek chuha wahan aaya aur bola
"mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho"
Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.
Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola,
"haathi mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho"
Haathi bhi sath dorne laga.
Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi wohi kaha.
Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.
Haathi bola, "are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar rahay ho is bechare ko ?"
Sher bola, "yeh Kameena pichli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante jungle mai ghumata raha".
Friday, March 18, 2011
Who are those people?
Child: Who are that man and woman who come every night and disappear in morning?
Grand Mother: Thank GOD! Finally you saw them!!! They are your parents... Both are software engineers...
Grand Mother: Thank GOD! Finally you saw them!!! They are your parents... Both are software engineers...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
तुम बडे़ होकर क्या करोगे?
टीचर ( स्टूडेंट से) : तुम बडे़ होकर क्या करोगे?
स्टूडेंट : शादी।
टीचर : मेरा मतलब क्या बनोगे?
स्टूडेंट : दूल्हा बनूंगा।
टीचर: ओ हो, मेरा मतलब बडे़ होकर क्या हासिल करोगे?
स्टूडेंट : दुलहन।
टीचर : अरे... बडे़ होकर मम्मी-पापा के लिए क्या करोगे?
स्टूडेंट : बहू लाऊंगा।
टीचर : अरे, नालायक तुम्हारे पापा तुमसे क्या चाहते हैं ?
स्टूडेंट : पोता।
टीचर : हद हो गई, अरे जिंदगी का क्या मकसद है?
स्टूडेंट : हम दो हमारे दो
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
5 biggest Tragedies of boys' Life.... :-p
5 biggest Tragedies of boys' Life -
1) Good girls are not Good-looking
2) Good-looking girls are not good girls...
3) Good-looking and good girls are not single
4) Good-looking, good and single girls have strong Brothers
5) Good-looking, good, single girls without brothers will treat us as her brother...!
KHATARNAK DOSTI......... :)
Boy was late at home.
Father asked "kahan tha tu??"
Boy " Friend ke yahan tha"
Father called 10 of his friends------------------------------------------------------------
4 answered :
"haan uncle yahin tha"
3 answered :
"abhi just nikla hai"
2 answered :
"haan uncle yahin hai, padh rha hai. phone du kya......."
.
.
.
.
.
1 ne hadd hi kar di :
.
.
.
.
.
.
he answered " Haan papa, bolo kya hua" !!!!
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